February 2009
2 posts
Day 7 - The Cabbage Soup Diet
Bruno
“You shouldn’t do any more fad diets.”
To summarise: This diet has been about as much fun as being trapped in a lift, naked, with a swarm of angry bees and an animal rights activist. You don’t get used to being hungry; you just accept the constant, dull aching as much as you would a receding hairline or a clumsy offspring. There is little you can do about it, so best to try and ignore it and...
Day 7 - The Cabbage Soup Diet
Day Seven
Brown rice, unsweetened fruit juices and vegetables: Again stuff, stuff, stuff yourself. Be sure to eat your soup at least once this day.
January 2009
102 posts
Day 6 - The Cabbage Soup Diet
Rigamoon
Ikea is a painful process at the best of times … it’s hell on a Saturday when you’re so hungry that the soulless furniture looks delicious. We went on a flat trip and to be fair to Bitchney and Mr Carbs were very patient with mine and Bruno’s horrendously stroppy moods. As a reward we allowed ourselves a pot of 10 small meatballs, heaven for five minutes, today...
Day 6 - The Cabbage Soup Diet
Day Six
Beef and Vegetables: Eat beef and vegetables this day to your heart’s content. You can even have 2 or 3 steaks if you like, with leafy green vegetables. No Baked Potato. Eat your soup at least once.
Day 5 - The Cabbage Soup Diet
Bruno
“Meat.”
It is a testament to the mind-numbing nature of this diet that I had, really honestly, not even realised that I’ve been a vegetarian for the past four days. And not one of the good vegetarians, who might share a bucket of fried chicken with you when they’re drunk, or aren’t too fussed it you pour beef-stock gravy all over their precious alfalfa sprouts and splash their favourite...
“You are just going to go so overboard, none of us will be able to be around you....”
– Rob Laird Craig to Rigamoon
Day 5 - The Cabbage Soup Diet
Day Five
Beef And Tomatos: Ten to twenty ounces of beef and up to six fresh tomtoes. Drink at least 6 to 8 glasses of water this day to wash the uric acid from your body. Eat your soup at least once this day. You may eat broiled or baked chicken instead of beef (but absolutely no skin-on chicken). If you prefer, you can substitute broiled fish for the beef one...
Day 4 - The Cabbage Soup Diet
Rigamoon
This diet is boring. Boring, boring, boring. The same boring soup every day. The same boring additions to accompany the boring soup. Am I boring you yet? Today we were allowed up to eight bananas and as much skimmed milk as we liked. As much skimmed milk as I like? That’s none, ever. So as you can imagine, I wasn’t particularly enthralled by today’s menu. The...
Day 4 - The Cabbage Soup Diet
Bruno
“This milkshake is expanding in my mouth.”
I am wondering what the conversation leading to the release of this diet plan sounded like.
Dietician 1: Okay, we have six days, but we’re one short. Any ideas?
Dietician 2: Hmmm… What are people least excited to eat?
Dietician 1: Fruit and vegetables.
[Dietician 2 hands Dietician 1 the eighteenth spliff of the day…]
Dietician 2: What are we making...
Day 4 - The Cabbage Soup Diet
Day Four
Bananas and skimmed Milk: Eat as many as eight bananas and drink as many glasses of skimmed milk as you would like on this day, along with your soup. This day is supposed to lessen your desire for sweets.
Day 3 - The Cabbage Soup Diet
Bruno
“I hate this diet.”
I so desperately wanted to be optimistic about today. Our choices have effectively doubled as we are allowed to combine the items from the previous two days. Let’s think. Spinach and pear bisque? Apple and lettuce terrine? No, two negatives do not make a positive here. They merely double the misery.
I have barely left my bed today, which can’t be a good thing. The kitchen...
Day 3 - The Cabbage Soup Diet
Day Three
Mix Days One and Two: Eat all the soup, fruits and vegetables you want. No Baked Potato.
Day 2 - The Cabbage Soup Diet
Rigamoon
It’s always a bit depressing when you wake up and realise that you’re on a fad diet; hunger, headaches and temptation to look forward to. And this morning dinner with school friends and saying no to a lot of food and wine was what I had to look forward to, but I was full of a new found conviction. Forcing myself out of bed I gaily trotted to pilates at 7.30am and came away...
Day 2 - The Cabbage Soup Diet
Day Two
Vegetables: Eat until you are stuffed will all fresh, raw or cooked vegetables of your choice. Try to eat leafy green vegetables and stay away from dry beans, peas and corn. Eat all the vegetables you want along with your soup.
At dinner, reward yourself with a big baked potato with butter. Do not eat fruit today.
Day 1 - The Cabbage Soup Diet
Bruno
“That looks absolutely revolting.” What a baffling concept! I’m reviewing the daily plan of our new regime and spot some extraordinary invitations. “Stuff, stuff, stuff yourself today…Eat as much as you like…Treat yourself to a baked potato with butter this evening…”. On the face of it, this diet seems closer to my personal philosophy than a health-kick. We are warned that one becomes...
Day 1 - The Cabbage Soup Diet
Day One
Fruit: Eat all of the fruit you want (except bananas).
Eat only your soup and the fruit for the first day.
For drinks- unsweetened teas, cranberry juice and water.
NEXT FAD DIET STARTS NEXT WEEK … SUGGESTIONS WELCOME.
The Gwyneth Paltrow post Christmas 7 day detox...
The facts:
Length of diet - 7 days
Number of supermarkets visited - 8
Number of visits to supermarkets - 15
Most expensive item - Whey Protein Powder £10.99
Number of times snapped at Bitchney - countless …
Vital statistics:
Bruno’s total inch loss - 3.5 inches (chest 1 inch, hips 1.5 inches, bottom 1 inch)
Rigamoon’s total inch loss - 3 inches (chest 1.5 inches, waist 0.5...
Day 7 - The Gwyneth Paltrow post Christmas 7 day...
Well … it’s all over!! I feel really confused tonight. I was just asked the question ‘so, would you recommend the Gywneth Paltrow detox diet to anyone?’ and the answer is, ‘I don’t know’. As lame as that sounds I am finding it difficult to reflect on it tonight. I feel better, healthier, more energetic for sure, but if I find that tomorrow morning when...
Day 7 - The Gwyneth Paltrow post Christmas 7 day...
A glass of room temperature water upon rising (8am) followed by a walk
Herbal tea
Breakfast: Blueberry, whey protein and rice milk smoothie
Snack: Coconut water
Lunch: Miso soup
Snack: A handful of Almonds
Supper: Steamed salmon, quinoa and roasted butternut squash
A LOT of water
Day 6 - The Gwyneth Paltrow post Christmas 7 day...
As predicted, today was the best day by far. Two hot meals, eaten with a knife and fork AND with mouthfuls that didn’t all taste the same. Supper was the winner. Chicken teriyaki, courgettes and brown rice and even if I had cooked it normally there wouldn’t have been much that I would have added. Perhaps a little more salt and some butter on the courgettes, but apart from that, it...
“After this I’m going to get fat. And be happy.”
– Day 6 - Bruno to Rigamoon over lunch
Day 6 - The Gwyneth Paltrow post Christmas 7 day...
A glass of room temperature water upon rising (8am) followed by a walk Herbal tea
Breakfast: Blueberry, whey protein and rice milk smoothie
Snack: Coconut water
Lunch: Steamed salmon, runner beans, olive oil and lemon juice
Snack: Super greens juice - kale, celery, pear, ginger and lemon
Supper: Teriyaki chicken, brown rice and steamed courgette
A LOT of water
Day 5 - The Gwyneth Paltrow post Christmas 7 day...
“Let’s make a lasagne on Tuesday morning and have it for breakfast.”
And here we are, at the summit of Mount Evil. From this very apex I am able to survey the gastronomically barren lands that we have conquered to get here, and can feebly stretch my neck to peer at the short journey ahead before we end this quest for good. My eyes are glazed, my brain is all but dead, and I take my morning...
“If you drop my breakfast I’m going to throw yours out the window and kick...”
– Bruno to Rigamoon